Throughout our lives, many of us have realized that it is often the people we love the most who hurt us the most. If we are honest with ourselves, it is also those we love the most that we hurt the most.
The frequent poor treatment of our loved ones is due in part to the fear that can come with our love. The more we love someone, the greater our fears have the potential to be. We are often afraid of losing our loved ones, afraid that they will not accept us or afraid that they will not do what we want them to do. Unchecked, these fears can lead to a vicious cycle in our relationships with the people we love.
But, there is more to the story:
We hurt the ones we love the most because they already accept us. We know they love us and many times we are confident in their forgiveness. We allow ourselves to be ourselves, more, with the people we love.
It is a beautiful thing to feel love and acceptance. The more we can be ourselves around someone, the more we love them. We are social beings and have a natural need for connection, acceptance, love and community. But as with many things in life, we tend to take this and the people we love for granted.
Ultimately, this ability to be ourselves around our loved ones leads to them seeing the darker parts of us, that we hide from the world. This is not always a bad thing, as it is the love that goes beyond conditions that we are all searching for. Conquering challenges together is what builds a strong relationship and when two people love and accept each other completely, this is where magic happens.
The fact that our loved ones will see parts of us the world does not see is inevitable. How we choose to react to that dynamic is up to us. We all have wounds to heal and things to improve upon in ourselves. By accepting our humanness and making a choice to grow, we can grow together in our relationships. If we are not willing to look at ourselves and grow through these challenges, we run the risk of harming and even destroying the people we love the most.
The people we love the most will see the worst of us. This does not mean we are fake. It simply means that it is with our loved ones that we feel safe. Because we feel safe with the people we love the most, they become a mirror to our own soul. We are meant to see ourselves through our loved ones. But this cannot happen if we refuse to look in the mirror.
If someone you love hurts you, remember that they may be showing you their darkness, but it is because they trust and feel safe with you. Be aware that, like yourself, they have things to work through and places inside of them that are still healing. As long as they are not seriously harming you and they are willing to work through their issues and become better, with you, it should be an honor. They are learning and growing. And, because they love you, they have the ability to see themselves and evolve, through you.
When you feel guilty for not being your best to your loved ones, remember that the situation, and your awareness of it, is a gift and it has a magnificent purpose. Take the opportunity to look into your own soul, learn and grow.
By Kim Holderness
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